In Buddhism, there is a concept of near enemy. A near enemy is a subtle quality that we may miss or confuse as useful or helpful when, in fact, it can become an obstacle hidden from us or in disguise and can actually hold us back. Unlike far enemies that are often very obvious because they seem to be the opposite of the beneficial qualities, we intend to cultivate.
Some near-enemy examples. Take compassion. The far enemy is cruelty, but the near enemy that can be just as harmful is pity. Hatred is the far enemy of love, but the near enemy of love is co-dependent love. On the outside, it can look very healthy.
Now that we have explained near enemies, I recently read something interesting that makes me think of emotions that have near friends. Let’s go back to compassion. People often think of compassion as the “nice “thing to do; however, oftentimes, the most compassionate thing you can do is brutal honesty or tough love.
Let’s talk about fear and anxiety. I read in the book “Originals” by Adam Grant, “To overcome fear, why does getting excited work better than trying to calm yourself down? Fear is an intense emotion: You can feel your heart pumping and your blood coursing. In that state, trying to relax is like slamming on the brakes when the car is going 80 miles per hour. However, the vehicle still has momentum. So rather than trying to suppress a strong emotion, it’s easier to convert it into a different one that’s equally intense but propels us to step on the gas.”
This is saying that physiologically, we have a stop system and a go system. What if we, instead of hitting stop, motivate ourselves to act in the face of fear by pressing go. Fear is uncertainty about the future. We’re worried that something terrible will happen. But because the event hasn’t occurred yet, there’s also a possibility that something incredible can happen. So instead, we focus on that and charge forward! Wow, I absolutely LOVE this concept! Think about it. Trying to calm yourself down is trying to reverse a powerful emotion. There would be very little anxiety and fear if it was that easy. Instead, try reframing it into a near-friend feeling, such as excitement would take minimal effort. They are both high-arousal emotions, but one is positive, and one is negative.
So, the next time you fear or have anxiety about something that needs to be done, channel it into excitement! And let me know how you make out!
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