At age 52, I unearthed a pattern in my life that genuinely shocked me: I was a people pleaser. I mean, WTH!? If you asked anyone who knows me if Jenn Maher was a people pleaser, they would say no. I am known for being strong, opinionated, and even quite bossy! But deep down, my leadership style was driven by a need to prove myself. I would overextend myself, taking over and doing as much as possible. Eventually, this backfired. The result devalued me, and the people around me became entitled. Things would crash and burn when I tried to set boundaries or put balance back. This pattern impacted my business, my marriage, and some friendships.
Once I realized the pattern, I knew it was time to regain power. I began to discover this pattern while I was starting to build my coaching business. I initially fell into the same trap with my clients, not following my own standards and devaluing myself in the process. I allowed people to bypass contracts, miss appointments, lower my standards, and more. This was a wake-up call for me. I would NOT rob myself of the joy and freedom I deserved again. I am committed to building this business out in a way that nourishes my soul.
My spiritual practices, including meditation, journaling, visualization, and affirming, in addition to my Buddhist and Kundalini Yoga training, played a crucial role in helping me understand and know myself better. These practices allowed me to identify these patterns and recognize them immediately. However, the biggest challenge was acknowledging this behavior and setting up boundaries with clients from the start, then sticking to my standards.
One strategy that has helped me immensely is using the mantra, "What do I want to get out of this?" I now ensure my needs are met without compromise before agreeing to anything else. After all, I can't help others if I am overburdened.
This shift has brought me back to the joy of what I do. Finding joy when you're stretched thin and taking care of everyone else's needs before your own is incredibly difficult. By setting boundaries and prioritizing my own needs, I am a better coach, enabling me to serve my clients fully.
For anyone struggling with people-pleasing tendencies, here are some reflective questions to consider:
- Are there areas in your professional life where you find yourself over committing to please others?
- How often do you say "yes" to requests you genuinely want to decline?
- What are the underlying fears that drive your need to please others?
- How does your need to be liked and accepted impact your decision-making process?
- Are you valuing your time and energy as much as you value others?
- What boundaries can you set to meet your needs first?
- How would your business or personal life change if you prioritized your well-being over others' expectations?
- How can you start honoring your true self in your daily actions and decisions?
I recommend conducting a time efficiency breakthrough audit for those looking for deeper insights and tools to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. This involves understanding where you spend your time and whether it aligns with your personal and professional priorities vs others. Then, take a deep look at any misalignment. Shadowwork has also been incredibly beneficial for me. I offer a shadow work program that others might find helpful.
Remember, it's okay to put yourself first. Setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's necessary for your well-being and effectiveness in helping others.
With love, light, and prosperity,
Jennifer Maher
Soulful Prosperity Coach
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