June 4, 2022, will always remain a day in my memory that I'll never forget. My former business partner, with whom I had shared the joys and struggles of building our company for over ten years, launched an ambush against me with his attorney - making wild accusations about criminal activity on my part. It was painful to see him feign innocence as he mocked me and ultimately declared that everything belonged solely to him despite all we accomplished together; it certainly wasn't an uplifting experience!
I had been prepared for what happened that day- although nothing could have genuinely prepped me from losing my primary source of income, significant investment, and reputation. Even some relationships disappeared in the fallout. But one thing was unwavering: no matter how cruel their accusations were, my sense of worth stayed intact - thanks to personal protocols guiding me towards becoming the best version of myself possible during such challenging times. I chose not to fall into despair but rather use it as an opportunity for growth, which makes all the difference between surviving adversity and using it as a path to self-actualization!
After my partnership fizzled and ended, I was free to pursue the dreams that had been pushed aside - yet alongside this newfound freedom came difficult emotions. Fear and shame from past trauma threatened to hold me back as malicious rumors spread throughout the industry. But instead of succumbing under pressure, I drew strength from self-care practices like meditation, yoga, and journaling... channeling resilience into 'beast mode' so that despite all doubts, insecurities, or fears lingering daily around me, growth found its way through it all.
I was determined not to react in anger - instead committed myself to personal growth. I gained ground in all aspects of life, yet I never truly let go and healed from the experience. That changed this week when my inner struggles finally erupted; it was time for healing and self-forgiveness at last!
After being threatened with arrest and legal action 8 months prior, I recently received word of my former partner's formal complaint from NYS DOS. Faced with no other option but to present my side of the story, I took a deep breath before quickly submitting a lengthy response just hours before heading off for a speaking engagement in Las Vegas.
After a thoroughly exhausting day one in Vegas, I was reluctant to return for the second. But despite my trepidation, I mustered up enough mental strength to lead a successful panel discussion and attend an evening gala celebrating all of us. Unfortunately, while conversing with someone whose admiration energizes me, imposter syndrome began creeping in when she asked about my distant past - something which is not as glamorous or polished as my outsides might have suggested it should be. At this moment, however; instead of burying myself further beneath self-doubt and fearfully hiding away from potential judgment; I resolved to never again let shame prevent me from speaking wholeheartedly truthful words, whatsoever the situation may be. I finally understand what "no fucks given" means.
On the morning of Day 3, I decided to face my fears and speak out loud. Uncovering courage within me that even surprised me, I chose bravery over fear. Despite all the inner turmoil, this was a chance for me to reclaim power - so nothing could ever take it away!
After overcoming my nerves, I embraced the challenge. I bravely stepped on stage wearing a daring red dress with my hair and makeup done. Though I was overwhelmed by emotion at that moment, tears streaming down from my eyes and full of raw honesty - my story was told, hoping to be heard through each vulnerable word spoken.
With one bold breath, I summoned the courage to face a room full of women with my truth. Though not everyone heard me or even could comprehend what was said that day- in speaking out loud into the universe -I finally released all that burdened weight off from my chest and onto their shoulders. Amidst the unfamiliarity and foreignness of this audience, being acknowledged by those around me made for an incredibly comforting environment as my emotions ran high. When I finished, I was overwhelmed, yet I felt seen & accepted amongst friends, sisters even.
Towards the end of the day, without uttering any more words than necessary and with a heavy heart, I returned to home base to reconcile my past and present pain. Through tears and reflection, I discovered that healing requires addressing past childhood and adulthood trauma with love, courage, and compassion. It's time for me to reconnect with myself emotionally, creating peace where deep wounds have left feelings of loneliness, betrayal, and abandonment behind.
My journey of building a successful enterprise while staying true to myself has been enlightening. Thanks to this conference, I've gained more clarity on my core values and convictions - knowledge that will carry me through thick and thin as I continue to grow in business and life.
Your guide to personal and professional transformation,
Jenn Maher
Business Coach & Life Force Strategist
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